Fatherhood: The Best Job in the World
I have had a great Father’s Day with my three boys…
Despite the mess of the world, I am feeling very happy and blessed, just by the opportunity to be their dad. Of all the things I have done, this really is the thing I like the best, and have come to regard as the most important.
The United States have Father’s Day on a different day than us (June 20th this year), and I came across a speech given by President Obama on that day. Sometimes the most important things are not at the top of the news headlines. I didn’t see much discussion on the news channels about this particular speech of his. And I found myself quite moved by the president's words about being a father.
Obama posed a simple question: "How can we as a nation -- not just the government, but businesses, community groups, and concerned citizens (and I think we should include churches) -- how can we all come together to help fathers meet their responsibilities to our families and communities?"
He spoke honestly about all the problems caused by the absence of fathers in children's lives, and spoke personally about his own absent father: "I say all this as someone who grew up without a father in my own life. He left my family when I was two years old. And while I was lucky to have a wonderful mother and loving grandparents who poured everything they had into me and my sister, I still felt the weight of that absence. It’s something that leaves a hole in a child’s life that no government can fill." Barack Obama’s own life experience is a big part of why this issue is so important to him, and why his two little girls are so central in his life.
He said: "We can talk all we want here about issues like education and health care and crime; we can build good schools; we can put money into creating good jobs; we can do everything we can to keep our streets safe -- but government (and maybe we should add as well here the church or the church youth group or the church’s kids program!!) can’t keep our kids from looking for trouble on those streets. Government can’t force a kid to pick up a book or make sure that the homework gets done. Government (or the church!! Or your kids school!!!) can’t be there day in, day out, to provide discipline and guidance and the love that it takes to raise a child. That’s our job as fathers, as mothers, as guardians for our children."
And, as Obama often does, he spoke about the difference in having a kid and being a father: "The fact is, it’s easy to become a father, technically -- any guy can do that. It’s hard to live up to the lifelong responsibilities that come with fatherhood. And it’s a challenge even in good times, when our families are doing well. It’s especially difficult when times are tough, families are straining just to keep everything together."
Obama zeroed in on the heart of his message for Father’s Day: "Here’s the key message I think all of us want to send today to fathers all across the country: Our children don’t need us to be superheroes. They don’t need us to be perfect. They do need us to be present. They need us to show up and give it our best shot, no matter what else is going on in our lives. They need us to show them -- not just with words, but with deeds -- that they, those kids, are always our first priority. Those family meals, afternoons in the park, bedtime stories; the encouragement we give, the questions we answer, the limits we set, the example we set of persistence in the face of difficulty and hardship -- those things add up over time, and they shape a child’s character, build their core, teach them to trust in life and to enter into it with confidence and with hope and with determination.”
Then the president said something that I know he truly believes, and made me feel very grateful that he does. He said, "The work of raising our children is the most important job in this country, and it’s all of our responsibilities -- mothers and fathers."
He then went on to say, "Now, I can’t legislate fatherhood -- I can’t force anybody to love a child. But what we can do is send a clear message to our fathers that there is no excuse for failing to meet their obligations. (NUDGE) What we can do is make it easier for fathers who make responsible choices and harder for those who avoid those choices. (NUDGE, NUDGE) What we can do is come together and support fathers who are willing to step up and be good partners and parents and providers ... But ultimately, we know that the decision to be a good father -- that’s up to us, each of us, as individuals. It’s one that men across this country are making every single day -- attending those school events; parent-teacher conferences; coaching sporting teams, scrimping and saving, or working overtime to provide for their family.”
I think it is both rare and significant when a political leader gets personal in an authentic way. To admit mistakes and failures is not something politicians normally do, and this president has been criticized for it. But when he spoke of his own struggles and joys as a parent, every dad who heard him could easily identify.
Even when we give it our best efforts, there will still be plenty of days of struggle and heartache when we don’t quite measure up. Even with all the good fortune and support Belinda and I have had in our lives, I’ve made plenty of mistakes as a parent. I’ve lost count of all the times when the demands of work or my love of sport and TV have taken me from the duties of fatherhood. And I know I’ve missed out on moments in my sons’ lives that I’ll never get back. But I also know the feeling that one author described when she wrote that ‘to have a child ... is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.’
I don't think I have ever heard a better description of what it feels like to be a parent -- to have a child is to have your heart walking around outside your body. In the future, how will your family be seen by those you come into contact with? How will your sons or daughters be characterized?
All the president of the United States wants to be is to be the best Dad he can be to the 2 girls in his life. And I believe he means that.
When Obama talked about his own deepest feelings about his girls, he was getting to the hearts of every dad who was listening and that is what I am trying to do today.
I’m sure a lot of fathers here know that same memory that I have, of driving home with their son or daughter from the hospital. Your emotions swinging between unadulterated joy and sheer terror.
Yet in the end, all I can really think about at times is if I could be anything in life, is that I would be a good father. And like a lot of the men here, since that time I’ve found there’s nothing else in my life that compares to the pleasures I take in spending time with my boys.
Nothing else comes close to the pride I feel in their achievement and the satisfaction I get in watching them grow into strong, confident, God loving, young men who might just want to be like their Dad who is striving every day to be like Jesus.
Over the course of my life, I have been a student, worked in the Myer Sporting Department, finished 3 degrees, worked as a teacher in 3 different schools and held down a vast number of roles and management positions, played Australian Football for 5 different clubs and played football in 4 different states, been on mission trips to Torres Strait over the last 5 years, been a teacher in Sunday school and I am sure I could go on about the Russell Modlin story forever.
But of all the things I have ever done, being a good father and husband is the job that now feels like the most important one to me. It's also the greatest privilege, honour and blessing I've ever had. But I can say without hesitation that the most challenging, most fulfilling, most important job I will have during my time on this Earth is to be Kurtis’, Elijah’s and Joseph’s dad.
Vulnerable and exposed!!
I want all boys/sons, fathers, husbands, uncles, grandfathers to listen carefully now…if you feel the same way as I do, if you feel something I have said today has stirred your heart, come join me now up here on stage. To show this group of believers today, to stand before God together as brothers in Christ, that you are ready to tackle the most important job in the world today, whether now or into the future.
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